this is me

What a crazy couple of weeks it has been. this has probably been the most stressful challenging month of my life, and i have loved every second of it. my job is the best. i never could have ever imagined how hard it would be, or how strong I am. My weaknesses, bad habits, and insecurities have all been brought to the surface in just this past week. each have had to been dealt with and overcome. i love this job that pushes me to be what i have always wanted to be and forced me to take a good hard look at myself. i never could have imagined what this job would do for me, and in the first week already!! That’s not to say it hasn't been hard, or that i haven't had my fair share of breakdowns in the past week, but it has made me stronger for sure. i love all of my residents and my coworkers, both have pushed non to gently for me to take responsibility for my actions. I LOVE THIS JOB!!!!! 

i feel like most of my life i have been told who to be or who not to be, what i can or cannot do. not because others were crude and wanted to control me, but because i let them. Well allow me to tell you who and what i am. i am a strong courageous young women who can overcome any obstacle put in my way. i am me. i am silly sometimes immature, caring, I worry too much and i love with all my heart. i am a daughter of god who can do anything!!!!

oh man that is a lot to learn in the first week of school. 

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wow what a couple of crazy stressful weeks it has been!!! i love my job!!!!! being an RA is a blast!!!! i couldn't ask for a better job with better coworkers. training was hard and grueling, move ins were crazy,but  this job is the best.
i love the priesthood!!!!!! life saving moments!!! so i was super stressed about RA, money, school, money, and money. two amazing young priesthood holders came over last night to give a scared stressed little girl some comfort.
i love roommates!! after the blessing i was telling my roommate a story of a princess a prince and a dragon, and all the potential trivial life threatening issues in my life. the sweet roommate reminded me of my blessing and that my heavenly father loves me and that he knows what he is doing, i just need to trust in him and give my life to him and he will take care of me.
 it's official!!!!! yesterday at church the bishopric passed around the annual pink paper asking for our records and information. the first box i noticed asked if i had been on a mission, of course i marked no. the next bo however is an entirely different more exciting story. the question? are you preparing for a mission? i excitedly marked yes. it's official i am preparing to serve a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints!!!! i can't go for at least a year, but i am going!!!!!

my best friends mission

I hate mission. there i said it. Now let me take it back. i love missions and i think they are the most wonderful thing. i hate goodbyes. this summer i have attended my own ward a total of three times because of all the missionary farewells i have been to. at the begging it was so much fun watching my friends go out and serve, change lives along with their own. however the more farewells i went to the harder it got. so many of my friends were leaving. the last farewell was the hardest. this boy was amazing. he was already such a great missionary here in our little old town, he changed so many lives mine included. i went to his farewell heartbroken that it was the last time i would see him, but it wasn't. Monday four  of us went over to his house to say our last goodbyes. i watched him give an amazing blessing hugged him goodbye and walked away. none of us were all that good at goodbye's. we hugged we cried and we hugged some More until Finlay he had to walk into the house and i watched his empty porch as we drove away.
this is one of my many "my best friends wedding moments" (SPOILER ALERT) in this movie the main character wastes the whole movie away planning how to break up her best friends wedding stealing him for herself. the movie is filled with plots and schemes and Finlay at the end she watches her best friend walk away hand in hand with his new wife. i have lots of moments were i plan some earth shattering speech just to be the only audience member. this is what happened when i told my friend goodbye. it was nothing romantic but  wanted to let him know how amazing he was, how much he changed my life, that if anyone of us was going to save this world and bring the gospel of Christ to his people that it would be him. i wanted to say this and so much more, but all i could choke out was "see you into"
a week latter a friend of mine invited me to a missionary discussion. since i have been a member since birth i have never actually sat in on a real missionary discussion. i watched this young boy teach to these two individuals who already knew so much about the gospel, but had just struggled getting back into it. i have never felt the spirit so strongly before. it was a lesson i had learned every Sunday, a topic i had deemed as primary easy. it wasn't the young mans message i needed to hear but to feel his spirit. he strengthened my testimony on one small little concept i thought i grasped. however more than that he strengthed my testimony of missionary work. how selfish was i to be so heartbroken over so many of my friends leaving. they are going to change lives. i have a testimony of missionary work. i can't put into words how grateful i am for it, or as to how powerful i know it can be. what an amazing gospel we have been blessed with. these young men are completely selfless to give up two years of their life to share it with those who don't know about this amazing gift. i love missionary's and missions.

Perspective

wow what a summer it has been already. let me be the first to say that this summer is not what i thought it would be. it has been one interesting adventure to say the least. when i left school i knew that i had to come home and work so that i could come back for school and pay for it on my own so when i got a job right off the bat i was super grateful. this is what i needed, this is what i had prayed so hard for the last year. i wanted to be able to talk about my boss or going to work, i needed this. so why was i so miserable? i hated being one of those mcworkers i hated riding the bus with some of the weirdest people in this town. this lifestyle made me so sad, i felt sad for the individuals stuck here and depressed at the thought of being stuck myself. i missed my college friends and my life. it wasn't until i finally started to actually listen to my coworkers to tell their life stories that i had a serious wake up call. who am i to judge these individuals? who is this 19 year old,naive selfish brat that i have become. i have lived such a life of pleasure and when one thing happens that i don't like i throw a fit. i don't believe i have ever faced a serious trial in my life, the lord has blessed me so much and when he continues to bless me i complain because it was not high class enough of a blessing. no matter how much i needed this money i needed this experience much more. i have learned so much about those individuals i use to judge. these individuals may live a different life than i do but that doesn't make it wrong it just makes it different. i wonder what it actually feels like to feel totally alone and responsible for everything that you do, to honestly believe that there is no one else out there to take care of you or look out for you. I have been blessed with such great parents who take such could care of me, but even better than that i have such a wonderful father in heaven who blesses my life so much. we all have that same father in heaven that i call to twenty million times a day like :please help me find my bus pass" and he always answers, i can't even begin to fathom not knowing that he is there to help me. i can't imagine doing this on my own. how strong does an individual have to be to wake up in this horrible world believing that no one cares for their happiness but themselves, to wake up alone. as i have gotten to know my coworkers i have began to care for them, and my job has actually become fun. our perspective controls our attitude, if we are unhappy we must change our perspective on the situation. it's not easy, but nether is life. what is our life worth though if we never work for anything, if we never stumble or completely fail. experience is what makes a person. if we don't go out and live our own lives what our they worth?

Summer time.....i'm Lovin' it :):):)

walks.butterflies,daydreams.work,family,friends,water,sunshine,and a whole lot of fun!!! i can hardly wait for this summer! T's wedding is a short three weeks away, the scratched in date on calender is becoming a happily ever after. i miss my cedar friends like crazy, but i am loving being home, my family are some of the funniest people on earth. the other night at family home evening our family was playing a card game where the winner had to collect all cards from one suit. needless to say it was an amazingly long game. Tyson was extremely close to winning when Rachel (who was sitting next to him) picked up the card he needed. she had both five of diamonds in her hand and was particular to make sure Tyson was aware of this fact. she would flash around the cards and tease that poor little boy to no end. the five of diamonds has become the joke of the family every time Tyson declares " mom you know what i need?" Rachel quirky retorts " a five of diamonds" i missed these amazing individuals. Rachel is still the sassiest person i know and Tyson thinks he is a stud (he held nothing back when he informed the boy who was crushing on Rachel's best friend that she would never be interested in him because she could do much better) Jennifer is the worlds biggest stinker and yet there is no one i love More on this earth then these people. i am so blessed to spend an eternity with such amazing people.
lets not forget how amazing my friends are. it has been amazingly fun meeting back up with my magna friends and discovering where theirs lives took them this last year. they seem so different and yet still the same. they have Finlay convinced me to join the twitter world #iamajoiner we love to follow the gossipgirl of magna @Magnashoutouts. It's pretty dang funny and pathetic.
Tadja and Nicole are trying to convince me to join them in china for spring semester but i am still undecided, i am so excited to be an Ra and i didn't work as hard as i did to only do it for half a semester, but who knows where my life will head, this is not a decision i am ready to make on my own( good thing i don't have to, i have a loving father in heaven who will answer my prayers and lead me to where i need to be)
I finally got a job!!!!! it may be at McDonald's but hey it's a job. i have days where i don't particularly care for it and days where i love it. It's exciting growing up and taking care of myself. sometimes it's hard and you do things you don't really want to, but that is life.
I have loved being home for the summer, coming back to my roots, it has been a blast. so to sum up as always life is petty amazing and I'm lovin' it #iworkatmcdonaldsnowihavetousetherecatchphraseeverymomentofmylife. ;)

A Blessing From Heaven

Happy mothers day!! just a heads up today is going to be a sappy, cheese ball, make-you-cry-your-eyes-out kind of post. okay it probably will not make you cry your eyes out because what i am about to tell you everyone already knows. my mother is the most amazing woman in this world. seriously she is going to save this world. she is my hero,inspiration, and my best friend. i have never meant a more hard working individual than my mother. she is the kind of individual who puts her whole heart into what she does, her service has no end. she is constantly helping those around her and working her hardest to do all she can for those she cares for. she sacrifices all she has to be a good mother, wife, and friend. she is the definition of a righteous daughter in Zion. ( don't be fulled she is not perfect, although i can see how you would get that impression (;  ) i have been truly blessed to have such a strong sweet mother. i am who i am because of her. she has taught me more than any other person i know.

I love you mom!!!!!! :):):)

One year down a thousand to go.

as finals week quickly approaches (quickly sucking my desire to get anything done with it) i have done a lot of contemplating about this whole year and all i can say is it has been a total blast!!!!! i have had the time of my life this year. i still can't believe a year ago i was sitting on a beach(ish) with my student government family heart broken to leave the past in the past and scared to start this new future. i have thought a lot about my SBO family lately. i miss the time we spent together and the memories created. a year ago i posted on facebook that SUU had a lot to live up to, and it has indeed lived up to that. i have made friends for life and learned many life lessons ( including the fact that i am not a very good big spoon (;  ) i have learned so much about who i am. I didn't have the highest self confidence when i started college, i don't know what changed that exactly but i discovered that i like who i am, i am happy being me and i wouldn't want to be anyone else. after going to orientation with my mother she told me she was concerned about the influence this school would have on me and my testimony. i can honestly say that i was afraid too, not of SUU's influence but of myself. my testimony however has grown so much. i now have a why behind my testimony. i have learned to stand on my own and be my own person, for me that has been the greatest accomplishment of this year; learning who i am and loving it!!
last weekend the community attaches all went camping together. we sat around the camp fire talking about everything and anything. (seriously everything, we spent an hour sharing our embarrassing pee stories) It was such a blast!! the next morning we woke up early and went on the best hike of my life. i love these Ca's they are the cutest thing!!!!
when i was younger tadja showed me this song that i absolutely fell in love with.

it describes everything perfectly. i have had such a good life and i am so excited for it to get even better. i was so afraid of this adventure called college but it has turned into the best experience of my life and if i have learned anything it's this " i can do hard things" i am so much stronger than i thought i was, and for everything i cannot do i have a wonderful older brother who will take care of the rest so long as i ask and do my part.