Big Truck

recently i had the opportunity to visit my best friend Tadja Potter in St. George. while i was there we watched the newest Kid history. in this episode randy has asked Santa for the newest and greatest toy. of course the toy now is extremely old and unheard of, but randy obsesses over the big truck.  the toy was meant to be a form of amusement, but for me it was much more than that. it was a dream others didn't understand, it was a goal, it was his childhood. it took me back to simpler days where life wasn't planned it just happened, you lived in the moment and you grew from it. 

recently i had a big truck that i waited for my whole life. i wouldn't accept just anyone's "big truck" i was waiting for the best biggest truck the world could offer. i wasn't going to throw this moment away. a boy appeared, not a man or a prince charming or even a knight in shinning armor, just a boy. he gave me his big truck and i gave him mine. the boy was wonderful and special but not the boy i was waiting for. we became great friends, but great friends don't exchange big trucks. . we didn't do anything wrong or harmful but i felt disgusted and disappointed. i didn't want to be the girl who would just kiss anyone ( yes that is what i am talking about)  but in the end that is exactly what happened, and while i did nothing wrong i can't shake this feeling of horror. but that is exactly where this sweet atonement comes in. this boy was wonderful in every way and i don't regret liking him, i regret giving and taking. i have a savior who knows exactly how i feel and knows and loves this young man as well. my savior died for me, for me Megyn Chantelle Rushton this young girl who messes up time and time again. he did it simply because he loves me, he did it with no guaranty that i would make it back into his loving arms, he did it for that slight chance that i might, two thousand years ago the worlds sweetest strongest women gave birth to a baby that didn't come to receive gifts from three wise man, rather he came to give the worlds greatest gift, himself. he brought the world a second chance. he loves us each individually more than we can ever know. he took away our pains and will continue to do so if we only ask.